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Flawless: The Ten Most Common Character Flaws And What To Do About ThemBy Louis A. Tartaglia
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In the bestselling tradition of Your Erroneous Zones, a prominent psychiatrist identifies the top ten character flaws that undermine our chances to succeed in life, including time-tested ways to overcome them.
Are you addicted to being right? Do you need to point the finger of blame toward everyone but yourself? When you get angry, does your upset quickly escalate into a state of raging indignation? Then you, like many others, are suffering from character flaws that have undoubtedly held you back in your work, relationships, and life, says Dr. Louis Tartaglia.
In Flawless!, Dr. T. identifies the ten character flaws that have cropped up most frequently in the thousands of patients he has seen in his practice over the last twenty years. In order of frequency, the ten flaws are
*Addicted to Being Right
*Raging Indignation
*Fixing Blame and Nurturing Resentments
*The Dread Seekers (Worry and Fear)
*Resisting Reality (Intolerance)
*The Poor Me or Martyr Syndrome
*Self-regard Run Riot
*The Excuse for Everything -- Inadequacy
*Fault Finders, Hypercritical Pessimists
*The Trap, Chronic Dishonesty
The good news, says Dr. T., is that character can be improved by working on the behavior that undermines it. Using case studies from his practice, colorful anecdotes, and prescriptive advice, he demonstrates how we can get unstuck and live a more peaceful, productive, and happy life.
"Character flaws are just holes in our soul," Dr. T. writes, explaining that filling in the holes is one of the most priceless exercises we have to grow.
- Sales Rank: #2214681 in Books
- Brand: Brand: Eagle Brook
- Published on: 1999-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.00" h x 6.25" w x 1.25" l, .95 pounds
- Binding: Hardcover
- 255 pages
- Used Book in Good Condition
Review
"A must-read." -- --Ken Blanchard, coauthor of The One Minute Manager
"A priceless jewel." -- --Robert H. Schuller, author of You Can Become the Person You Want to Be
"Dynamic." -- --Jack Canfield, coauthor of Chicken Soup for the Soul
About the Author
Louis A. Tartaglia, M.D., is an author, psychiatrist, addiction medicine specialist, and the director of the Tartaglia Mind Technologies Institute. Dr. T. has a wife and five sons and lives in Sylvania, Ohio.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Flawless
HOW CAN YOU TELL IF YOU ARE POSSESSED BY A FLAW?
Be careful; this is worse than just having the flaw. Here the flaw has you! Anyone of the following may be diagnostic!
1. Do you find yourself "upset" when you need to be calm?
2. Do you lie when it would be better to tell the truth?
3. Would you rather be right even if it wrecks a relationship?
4. Do you hate accepting responsibility and blame others even when you know you are wrong?
5. Does resentment feel like a perfectly normal civil right?
6. Do you worry about things you can't control?
7. Do you fear even when there is nothing to worry about because it feels normal?
8. Are you intolerant of people who are not like you even when you are interested in knowing them?
9. Do you use the excuse that you are a victim whenever it is useful?
10. Do you try to force others to do things your way because you want them to like you?
11. Do you cop out with inadequacy even before you have tried your hardest?
12. Do you love to find fault and share it even when you are aware that it will hurt someone else?
13. Did you graduate from law schdol or become a politician?
14. Last but most important, do you find yourself using your most common flaw even when you don't want to?
If you're like most of us, you are constantly dealing with people who would rather be right than happy. They are that great class of unfortunate souls who are incapable of admitting they are wrong. They are convinced that their way of living, their way of doing things, is best. These characters wish that the rest of the world would get with their personal program. Then, according to them, everyone would be better off.
Or maybe you have a boss or coworker with a flash-point temper who gets enraged over the silliest things. Some of you might have a spouse or partner who blames you for his or her problems. Do you know anyone who prefers criticism over solutions, or who relishes nurturing resentment? These people have character flaws.
The truth is that everybody has them. Some of us have more than others. You may notice you have them too. I know I have my share. Don't worry if you happen to see your flaws surfacing as I describe them. That is a sign of your own open-mindedness and willingness to get a handle on your problems.
We are a society that is enamored with defective character. We watch thousands of hours of TV and films where the leading role is portrayed by an imperfect character. We watch celebrities, politicians, and stars on and off the screen with an almost morbid fascination for their defects: J. R. on Dallas, Jeffrey Geiger on Chicago Hope, Diane on Cheers, or Abby on Knots Landing -- the most flawed people seem to be among the most captivating. Perhaps in their struggles we see ourselves.
Great individuals with high character also have glaring faults. It is precisely because they have such high character that their flaws stand out. The common perception that good people have fewer flaws is wrong. It is not a matter of more or fewer flaws. It is the willingness to change them that counts. If you read the lives of saints and sages you will find that they too had to discipline themselves to improve their character. It is in the process of working on your flaws that you develop great strength of character. Strength of character is what this book is about.
Some people, you may have noticed, deliberately cling to their defects of character. In fact there are many who hone their flaws in order to be in control or have power over others. As much as some hate to admit it, there are evil people in this world who use character flaws to get ahead and dominate others. These individuals have always been with us. Our modern, allegedly enlightened society seeks to reform them, even when it is obvious that there is no willingness on their part to change. As a society we have become fascinated with the dark side, like sunbathers who bask in the shadows.
Copyright (c) 1998 by Louis A. Tartaglia
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